I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
