oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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