when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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