Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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