i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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