are you so shy because you have an std?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
