I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
