he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
