how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
