I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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