I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
