I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
