I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
