i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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