and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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