butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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