Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Girls should come with a carfax report
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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