I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
