Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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