i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize