return my video game
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
