I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize