New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
