Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
