who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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