M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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