You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
