turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
