I love black thongs
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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