I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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