I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
