things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
