No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
