what day is it and did you see me today?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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