so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
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