i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
