My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
