Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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