I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
