dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
