But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
