no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
