when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
