I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
