There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
