We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize