I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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