he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
