Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
