I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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