if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
