How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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