My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i was born a porn star she said
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
