We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
