Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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