I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
