you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm just crazy horny about you
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
