my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
