just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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