i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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