We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
