the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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