if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize