when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
