DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
