Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
