i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
