Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
