dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize