I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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