my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
