Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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