This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
