I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
