After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
