Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
