Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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