glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I fill condoms, not promises.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
