You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did we literally take a cab across the street
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
